|This alarm clock will never hurt anyone ever again|
This is the most evil alarm clock in existence. It is too loud, and its dreadful squawk makes me yearn for more soothing sounds such as fingernails on chalkboards, crying babies, and mating cats. Furthermore, it has way too many buttons to be dealt with by groggy persons who are still half asleep. You think you have turned it off for good, only to have it start bleating again when you are in the shower, on the toilet, or downstairs making your latte. In fact, I am almost positive that this alarm clock was possessed by demons.
Since it's a busy time of year, fitting in an alarm clock exorcism was out of the question. However, enough is enough. I very gently flung the alarm clock down a flight of stairs (really, my husband should be thanking me for the amount of restraint I exercised instead of complaining about the little ding on his wall that could have been a gaping hole). Then, because the evil beast was still functional, I took it out into the garage and vented my fury with a hammer.
Fear not, little ones -- this alarm clock will never hurt anyone again!